Archive for the failure Category

Diary of what’s gone on since my Mother Died

Posted in failure, kids, rants on August 20, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants


‎8:16am My mother just died


I wish to thank all of you for your words of condolences and well wishes; they have helped me so very much as I’ve been dealing with my Mother’s demise.
I hope I never seemed needy , but again you all have helped so much so far.
I know it will take time to deal with all this but I am eternally grateful to have been bless…ed with so many wonderful friends.
I very truely love you all.


I’ve started going through my mom’s things with my Aunt & grandma. It’s so hard, we can only survive a couple of hours at a time before something hits us and the waterworks start.

I found a long letter my mom wrote to me when I was 17… I couldn’t get through a paragraph though I kept it.

In a few hours we go back to f…inish, wish me luck in keeping it together.

as always thanks so much to you all.


i feel dumb saying this but… It has only now sunk in that my mother has died.
Hell I was right next to her when it happened, I saw it.
I guess all the running around with funerary bullshit was a distraction but the more that gets done the more real it gets, and the harder everything else gets.
I don’t know I’m just t…rying to fuck up as little as possible as I get things done.
wish me luck guys & as always thanks


As of today I’m officially overwhelmed & more than a bit nuts, the funeral bullshit is finally taken care of (barring a breif interlude where I was convinced they lost my mother’s body at the crematorium but that is a story I’m not ready to write) the kids go back to school monday and we havent finished the back to school stuff, the funeral home is still taking forever to handle things so when teh urn is finally ready I’m picking it up myself because I dont trust that load of royal fuckwits that run the cemetary.
Oddly enough the final straw for me to totally lose it was my kids breaking a brand new guitar cable that I just spent $25 bucks on yesterday afeter I warned them not to….
I’m so angry I’m shaking —the fact that I went yet another night without sleeping doesn’t help either.
as always wish me luck I really need it


That’s it it’s diet time!

Posted in failure on July 24, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

The final straw supporting  any delusion over my fat status has fallen.  I was shopping in Wal Mart-the grazing and spawning grounds of the North American fatass- and to my eldrich horror…


I’m diving into the kind of diet that would make Kate Moss concerned, this is ridiculous.  I’m going to be living exclusively on tapwater and sorrow.

How the hell did I do this to myself…  Oh yeah, a fork was involved and me being a jackass and ending up weighing as much as a mule.

Wish me and those around me luck.

easy come easy go… bullshit it took me years to acquire all that junk!!! A.K.A. What’s in my gig bag

Posted in failure, music on July 20, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

Like all gigging musicians, there are material casualties that occur in our buisness; I recently suffered one at the last Opera Mash up.  I lost a backpack full of cables etc.  that I guestimate was worth around $250. bucks… probably more if I’m masochistic enough to add it all up.

This is also what I feel covers the bases for a properly stocked, gig bag.

My suffering is as follows

2 sets of “labella Super Steels” Bass strings gauged 40-100

2 sets ernie ball super slinky guitar strings

2 string winders

2 power supply cables

6, 20 foot 1/4 inch guitar cables

3, 3 foot 1/4 inch guitar cables

2, 6 foot 1/4 inch guitar cables

5 ,20 foot 1/4 inch speaker cables

5 “male to male” 1/4 inchpatch cables

3 “female to female” 1/4 inch adaptors

6 ,25 foot xlr, Mic. cables

several low quality laptop spacers used to separate the cords

2 spare guitar straps

1 well worn set of drum sticks

1 guitar tuner

2, 1/4 to 1/8 inch adaptors

1, 1/4 to RCA adaptor

roughly 2 dozen guitar picks

the changepurse that held aforementioned guitar picks

3 dozen velcro cable ties

assorted pens, pencils and sharpie markers and 2 pencil sharpeners

a smith and wesson folding knife

1 composition book and one spiral notebook

one pocket pad

1 yard of rope

about 4, 3 foot long bungee cords

4, 9 volt batteries

a 16 pack of AAA batteries

a Huskey aluminum LED flashlight

2 bottle openers

a very inexpensive multi tool

a small hard case filled with tampons (I’ve been in many bands with women so I’ve been the hero on many occasions)

8 terrycloth wristbands of various colors

most of a roll of electrical tape

1 small roll duct tape

4 sealed tubes of “crazy glue”

a small tube of WD-40

4 bar towels

1 hand towel

1 dirty rag

2 heavy duty garbage bags, 39 gallon capacity

1 soldering iron

1 roll rosin core solder

2 boxcutters and spare razors

band aids and alchohol swabs

several golf pencils that I tend to take from lotto stands

a handful of outdated set lists

4 disposable lighters

several books of matches

a back brace (amps are heavy)

2 paperback novels

one mic stand attatchment.

1 box of cinnamon altoids

2 large packages of chewing gum

1 collapsable camping cup

2 “D” rings carabiner style

4 key rings

and of course 1 high quality backpack

That as far as I can recall was the contents of said missing bag, both sympathy and donations are welcome.

Sorry everybody old Bessie can’t find the barn

Posted in failure on June 20, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

In other words the computer is down again so my ability to both blog as well as drool over basses is severely limited.

hang in there as I will be back in the saddle as soon as I can

with grattituded from his excellency



Out of the silent planet

Posted in failure on May 26, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants


Out of the silent planet I post.

I’m doing okay by the way; just a lot of pounding the pavement for work so my computer time has been effectively replaced by heatstroke recovery time. 

I had an interview for a manager position at “World of Beer” that I felt went well overall, I should know if I have the gig this Friday so keep your fingers crossed lummoxcateers.

What was a good sign was that I was excitedly waved down to where they were interviewing by the person I had been exchanging emails with and that she had a copy of my resume on her.

The bad thing was that upon getting up I managed to break the chair with my fat ass.

In my defense it was a very delicate chair.

Sleepwalker Blues

Posted in failure on May 12, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

It’s rare when this happens but aggravating all the same. 

I occasionally sleepwalk, which would not be a big deal if I didn’t misplace my glasses whenever I did so.

This wouldn’t be such a big deal if it weren’t for the fact that I am effectively blind without my glasses.

So right now I’m wearing my spare pair, which is about 3 perscriptions too weak and so scratched up that it looks like I clean them with brillo pads, giving me migrane like symptoms from eye strain until I find my goddamn glasses.

I have more important things to do all day than look for my glasses, however if I don’t they are likely to get broken and I certainly can’t afford a new pair right now.

Wish me luck.

Too much self awareness can hinder comedy writing…

Posted in art, failure on May 5, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

I’m well into working on writing the second episode of my sitcom, it isn’t going as smoothly due to a lack of a “proper” meeting with my partner (due to my poverty and vehicular problems at the moment) yet progress continues to be made.

Yesterday, however, I hit a rough patch in the script (that I hope to fix today) due to the fact that I couldn’t quite get a short string of masturbation jokes to go as smoothly as I’d like.  It was sabotaged by the fact that I “realized” that I was spending several hours trying ” to  get a short string of masturbation jokes to go as smoothly as I liked”

The juxtaposition of legitimate effort and purile subject matter struck me with it’s absurdity; so every time I went to work on the joke I started laughing at myself for working on it in the first place.  I was feeling like Sartre writing for South Park.  Yet at the same time I’m serious about doing a quality, funny show and frankly, the masturbation jokes (which happen to be lynchpin of the episode) are still just shy of the high standards I’ve set for myself and I refuse to settle for inferior masturbation jokes, otherwise who would take me seriously?

The fact that the above paragraph was part of a legitimate train of thought only added to the absurdity of the situation and the resulting case of “the giggles”. 

This is the part where I sigh, shake my head and take a second look at the job listings online.