Archive for May, 2010

Out of the silent planet

Posted in failure on May 26, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants


Out of the silent planet I post.

I’m doing okay by the way; just a lot of pounding the pavement for work so my computer time has been effectively replaced by heatstroke recovery time. 

I had an interview for a manager position at “World of Beer” that I felt went well overall, I should know if I have the gig this Friday so keep your fingers crossed lummoxcateers.

What was a good sign was that I was excitedly waved down to where they were interviewing by the person I had been exchanging emails with and that she had a copy of my resume on her.

The bad thing was that upon getting up I managed to break the chair with my fat ass.

In my defense it was a very delicate chair.


Still Busy Until then: 2003 Fender custom shop Mystery basses

Posted in music on May 20, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

Strange and exotic beauties, very “UN-Fender” Fender basses & I love them but have never seen them anywhere,if anybody knows about these please whet my curiosity and drop me a line,

Thanks Dom

Why do you never see pet sloths?

Posted in pets, rants on May 16, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

Before we get any farther watch this,

Cute aren’t they.   They have claws but don’t seem very dangerous and best of all they only poop once every two weeks!

True fact by the way…

But this being said, youn ever hear of people having pet sloth.  I mean there are loads of jackasses who are into exotic pets like monkeys, large reptiles or even lions but no demand for sloth?

Why nobody got love for the sloth? 

Hell they can’t be dangerous. 

Have you ever heard of anyone suffering a “sloth related” injury?

How much damage could it cause if it escaped?

Sloth on the rampage?  Don’t think so… 

“Run for your lives!!”

“Okay walk for your lives!”

“Ummm…  Stroll, definately stroll as if your lives depended on it.”

I mean if being chased by a rampaging sloth, you could easily stop at a passing ice cream truck for a snack and still easily save yourself from it’s slow motion violence.

And have I mentioned that they only poop once every two weels?

Imagine if you had both a sloth and a ferret.

You could coat the sloth in mayonaise and watch the ferret get all crazy.

Ummmm…  Maybe disregard that last bit.

Sleepwalker Blues

Posted in failure on May 12, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

It’s rare when this happens but aggravating all the same. 

I occasionally sleepwalk, which would not be a big deal if I didn’t misplace my glasses whenever I did so.

This wouldn’t be such a big deal if it weren’t for the fact that I am effectively blind without my glasses.

So right now I’m wearing my spare pair, which is about 3 perscriptions too weak and so scratched up that it looks like I clean them with brillo pads, giving me migrane like symptoms from eye strain until I find my goddamn glasses.

I have more important things to do all day than look for my glasses, however if I don’t they are likely to get broken and I certainly can’t afford a new pair right now.

Wish me luck.

Special song of the day for Charles: Frank Zappa Cammarillo Brillo, Muffin Man & St Alphonso’s Pancake Breakfast

Posted in music on May 11, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

I recently was told by his mother that he was curious about Frank Zappa therefore I immediately started to rack my brain to figure out where to start him.  I went crazy on youtube with almost the creepy feeling like I was shopping for some porno & a bong for him.

I am a ridculous crazy Frank Zappa fan, I was introduced to him, partially by my much missed cousin Jimmy, and due to the fact that the band Fishbone mentioned Frank as an influence in a guitqar magazine, which was echoed by John Laroquette of Night court talking to Arsenio Hall on an episode of his old talk show.   And from that influence I bought “Freak Out” & have been hooked ever since.

I know I can barely keep track of my keys but I remember a talk show episode from the late 80’s. 

In any case after much thought I found this live performance of Cammarillo Brillo & Muffin Man from 1979 which are two of my favorites.

I also had to include St Alphonso’s Pancake Breakfast since it is my favorite,

There are dozens of others I could have picked, so I give the other Zappa selections & whatnot to you my beloved “Lummoxcateers”

He’s an 18 year old “Weird Al “fan who also loves Queen, Iron Maiden and Buckethead,

What stuff do you want me to force him to hear?

I expect comments people….

Normal Ferret Schenanigans lead to Logan having the Best Line Ever.

Posted in kids, pets on May 10, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

 Take a look at that empty little head.

That’s the little source of comedy relief in our household.

A couple of days ago I was helping to get the kids ready for school as our little tube sock of doom was scampering around underfoot; as is his custom in early AM hours.

This particular morning Kira was looking for something in her backpack and amongst the detritus in there the ferret found an opened package of peanut butter crackers and began making “daring raids”, stealing the crackers one by one and “ferreting” them away in some random spot, much to the  amusement of Kira, logan & I.

However, Kira was still looking for “something” and had yet to put on her belt so she had a considerable case of “plumbers butt” which was investigated immediately by a curious ferret; again, much to our mutual amusement.

Logan was Laughing so hard he was turning beet red to which I inquired:

“Logan, what’s so funny?”  Logan, with great difficulty, through his laughing and lack of oxygen, and managed to stammer: “The ferret…   thinks she… has an….   Ass full of crackers….”

Being the paragon of maturity that I am I immediately started laughing as hard as he was.  Kira and even the ferret was laughing too, like we were characters in an 80’s sitcom enjoying a relaxing moment of denoument.

Too much self awareness can hinder comedy writing…

Posted in art, failure on May 5, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

I’m well into working on writing the second episode of my sitcom, it isn’t going as smoothly due to a lack of a “proper” meeting with my partner (due to my poverty and vehicular problems at the moment) yet progress continues to be made.

Yesterday, however, I hit a rough patch in the script (that I hope to fix today) due to the fact that I couldn’t quite get a short string of masturbation jokes to go as smoothly as I’d like.  It was sabotaged by the fact that I “realized” that I was spending several hours trying ” to  get a short string of masturbation jokes to go as smoothly as I liked”

The juxtaposition of legitimate effort and purile subject matter struck me with it’s absurdity; so every time I went to work on the joke I started laughing at myself for working on it in the first place.  I was feeling like Sartre writing for South Park.  Yet at the same time I’m serious about doing a quality, funny show and frankly, the masturbation jokes (which happen to be lynchpin of the episode) are still just shy of the high standards I’ve set for myself and I refuse to settle for inferior masturbation jokes, otherwise who would take me seriously?

The fact that the above paragraph was part of a legitimate train of thought only added to the absurdity of the situation and the resulting case of “the giggles”. 

This is the part where I sigh, shake my head and take a second look at the job listings online.