So I’ve started getting therapy…
At 8 am this Saturday morning I had already found myself up, out of bed & in a waiting room with Shu in an office literally around the corner from the shitty neighborhood I grew up in. I’d a bad bout of insomnia the night before so I was functioning on essentially no sleep, so suffice to say I’d had more enjoyable Saturday mornings, which under civilized circumstances should be much closer to Saturday afternoon.
We finally had decided to act on information regarding state subsidized mental health treatment after suffering countless years of depression. Now, until this point, my “treatment program” for depression consisted of either the scientific ingestion of distilled spirits or reading (and heckling) self help books; since all of this nothing that I had put so much effort into doing wasn’t helping, I thought actual professional help might, well… help.
Understandably, papers had to be filed and hoops had to be jumped through; as I had to speak to 2 different therapists before actually winning “The Golden Ticket” and being diened crazy enough by state officials to actually see a “Doctor” in about a month. I don’t expect a magic cure, nor am I shopping for medication; I just want to be able to be productive and energetic enough to “be myself” again and go back to being able to make art and not just a wage slave.
I’m not about to go on and on about the specifics of my mid life crisis, frankly I’ve had enough of talking about my “feelings” to last me till I see the doctor; but I’m really going to give this a good try and hope for the best. Actually I’m cautiously optimistic, after all actually doing “something” is by nature far more likeley to be successful than doing nothing could ever be.