Suffering Severe Anal Cranial Syndrome
In other words I just can”t get my head out of my ass this week. Im still maintaining my positive attitude thingy, but I’m so exhausted/distracted I’m not sure if I have ADD or I’m narcoleptic. I’m bouncing between 2 projects I’m embarassingly behind on, one is illustration, the other is getting the writing samples/resume together for a possible regular side job—what’s been happening is that I’m bouncing between staring at blank pages in my sketchbook, and obsessively rereading everything I’ve written in the past year trying to figure out which turds to polish; punctuated by randomly falling asleep mid task.
Maybe it’s the crazy hours I have to keep, maybe it’s the pressure of getting stuff done before the kids get home (when any chance of getting anything done but keeping them alive until their mother gets home is shot to hell) then work… Shit I just don’t know. Doing little blog posts is usually a nice, theraputic little warm up for my creative juices, but right now I think I’m documenting a mild panic attack.
What’s most likely is that the pressure is just getting to me a little, late/early hours, helping to raise 3 kids, constant money woes and the sheer ludicrous fact that this writing gig (and a couple of other things that would seem equally unlikely, that are on the back burner until I finish the illustrations and sculpture and get my writing samples polished) have been universally hailed by everyone who advises me is probably my best shot at trying to make things a little better for my family. It seems everybody has faith in me but me… Probably because other than the occasional frantic blog post or series of privately conferred obscene jokes about my existence, I never seem to freak out.
However, I’ve been reading through the books I inherited from my late cousin Jim, who was a bit of a biography nut, and it seems that all “creative types” seemed to spend most of their lives in an identical state of confusion–but usually facedown in a gutter or holed up in a third world country indulging in unspeakable vices… This, like all, is transitory & I might be in better shape when I get home or the next 2 days since those are my day’s off.
If nothing else I hope this post offers some entertainment value to someone. Probably someone who actually gets shit done who is laughing at my self absorbed bullshit. And for this hypothetical creature, you’re welcome and I expect an X-mas card with a McDonald’s gift certificate in it.
Wish me luck Lummoxcateers!