Archive for February, 2010

Send a team of Spelunkers… Stat…

Posted in failure on February 26, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

Another day of chronic anal cranial syndrome, I just can’t get my shit together lately.  It seems I can exactly handle my day job and keeping the children alive–anything else is essentially a shitsmear.   I know many say that “well you’re raising kids and that’s an achievement”  While it takes soul destroying amount of effort, it’s not really that hard statistically speaking otherwise our species would have long ceased to exist.

So far “accidentally” consuming over 50 raw oysters and another hotel pan filled with mussels hasn’t broken me out of this, however, I am no longer suffering any lack of zinc in my system. Tomorrow the family is dragging me to rennisance faire, where considering how much I fucking hate ren faire I am bringing my art supplies and charles laptop with the logic that I’ll get work done specifically since typing on a laptop there kind of shits all over the concept.

Another thing about ren faire, other than people much fatter than me looking even more ridiculous, and the pretentious assholes who hold “titles” there, and the fact that it’s peppered with creepy pedophiles, and their combined girth has almost certainly caused a synthetic velvet shortage, and the fact that if we could harness all the potential energy of fat broads corset strings we could power the state of kentucky, I have never needed an excuse to eat a turkey leg and drink a beer in my life, I can do that anywhere if I so choose, like BabyGap or during a parent-teacher confrence, or sitting on santa’s lap, or while working with heavy machinery etc.

A plus of bringing my “homework” to faire is that it will keep me busy and that way I won’t embarass/annoy Shu & the brats with my utterly vicious comments and generally bad attitude.

Wish me luck.


“Buttons on My Clothes” by Del Amitri

Posted in music on February 25, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

My long absent friend Troy turned me on to this song and it’s since been my unofficial theme song, the lyrics changing much like my perspective through the years in meaning.  In any case I simply love the song, can relate to it and hope you give it a listen.

“The Pursuit of Happiness…”

Posted in rants on February 25, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

“Right up there with “life and liberty”, the “pursuit of happiness” is amongst the core of American values. But if you take a moment and really think: do you honestly know anybody who is really happy? How to you even quantify happiness? Obviously there can never be a true consensus, but at the same time something has to be severely lacking when you look at the numbers of Americans who need prescriptions for anti-depressants and anti anxiety medications to get through their day. Don’t get me wrong these medications allow many people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to get through their day to make it, but still this is indicative of a problem. Now these chemicals represent the responsibly prescribed pharmaceuticals for legitimate medical need, this doesn’t touch the countless thousands who have made prescription drug abuse one of our biggest social problems right now. How deep is the sadness when one self medicates with Oxycontin for their mental pain?

I am not criticizing drug addicts, legal or otherwise, they have their own problems, but I am addressing a chronic lack of happiness. True our country is in an unfortunate quandary, between financial disasters being the norm for the average American family, a controversial and expensive war in the Middle East, amongst the everyday “slings and arrows” of human existence that chug along as they always will as we wander from birth to death to the uncertain end. America is ceasing it’s time as an industrial juggernaut and seems to be sliding into a state closer to a Mexico 2.0, but with a citizenry with a worse work ethic. Still, those are not the question, the questions are:

“What would it take to make us happy?”

“Were we happy before?”

“Were we ever happy?”

Obviously that question is unique to each person. Happiness can be either making your first million, or being able to afford a bottle of cheap wine, or your kid can finally pass math, or finding out the cancer is benign etc. Something I think Americans often forget is that happiness is by definition fleeting, and in our self-important, instant-gratification based society we don’t seem to be very good at not being happy; at the same time we also excel at misery, or specifically the grand display of misery. The King of Tibet, coined the phrase “Gross National Happiness”, a very caring term that sadly seems to be dying in effect due to the encroachment of Western (mostly American since unrealistic expectations is currently our chief export) values and definitions.

Happiness is also something that seems to be always just around the corner, never in the present. When the kids get into college, when I retire, when we can take that vacation, in my case, when I can work and feed my family through creative ventures again, when I get that album recorded, when paying the rent won’t be such a worry. We think of happy as a future never a present. A quote I very often use from Meher Baba “Everyday is a gift, that is why we call it the ‘present’”, yet I am the first to admit when the kids are being horrible and I am dodging calls from bill collectors that is not the first phrase to come to mind. It is good to try to “live in the now” but in all honestly the now often really hurts; we edit out the aches and pains petty cumulative annoyances when we look back at things.

So is there a solution? The short version is:yes there are lots of solutions, as myriad and as varied as our problems, and frankly a good number of them won’t work. But we keep trying to find that elusive “happy” be it physical, monetary or chemical and with any luck the struggle will inspire enough hope to get us there.

Suffering Severe Anal Cranial Syndrome

Posted in art, failure on February 25, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

In other words I just can”t get my head out of my ass this week.  Im still maintaining my positive attitude thingy, but I’m so exhausted/distracted I’m not sure if I have ADD or I’m narcoleptic.  I’m bouncing between 2 projects I’m embarassingly behind on, one is illustration, the other is getting the writing samples/resume together for a possible regular side job—what’s been happening is that I’m bouncing between staring at blank pages in my sketchbook, and obsessively rereading everything I’ve written in the past year trying to figure out which turds to polish; punctuated by randomly falling asleep mid task.

Maybe it’s the crazy hours I have to keep, maybe it’s the pressure of getting stuff done before the kids get home (when any chance of getting anything done but keeping them alive until their mother gets home is shot to hell) then work…  Shit I just don’t know.  Doing little blog posts is usually a nice, theraputic little warm up for my creative juices, but right now I think I’m documenting a mild panic attack.

What’s most likely is that the pressure is just getting to me a little, late/early hours, helping to raise 3 kids, constant money woes and the sheer ludicrous fact that this writing gig (and a couple of other things that would seem equally unlikely, that are on the back burner until I finish the illustrations and sculpture and get my writing samples polished) have been universally hailed by everyone who advises me is probably my best shot at trying to make things a little better for my family.  It seems everybody has faith in me but me…  Probably because other than the occasional frantic blog post or series of privately conferred obscene jokes about my existence, I never seem to freak out.

However, I’ve been reading through the books I inherited from my late cousin Jim, who was a bit of a biography nut, and it seems that all “creative types” seemed to spend most of their lives in an identical state of confusion–but usually facedown in a gutter or holed up in a third world country indulging in unspeakable vices…  This, like all, is transitory & I might be in better shape when I get home or the next 2 days since those are my day’s off.

If nothing else I hope this post offers some entertainment value to someone.  Probably someone who actually gets shit done who is laughing at my self absorbed bullshit.   And for this hypothetical creature, you’re welcome and I expect an X-mas card with a McDonald’s gift certificate in it.

Wish me luck Lummoxcateers!

Making Money by Writing?

Posted in art on February 23, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

To this I put my loyal and beloved Lummoxcateers to task.  I was turned onto a potential gig doing regular freelance writing by my friend Jessica, bright and early tomorrow morning I’ll be submitting my application, resume and a sample piece or two of writing.   The very vital question I need to ask is

“Which of my blog posts do you think have the best chance of landing me the gig?”

or in other words,

“Which turds should I polish?”

I could really use any suggestions from out there in teh intarweb since I have no real perspective on the verbal effluvia I dump onto your monitors daily.  So if you have a minute please click through the archives and throw your 2 cents worth in.


And now exhale… We made it to our tax return.

Posted in rants on February 21, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

This is a sigh of relief long in the waiting.  Our tax returns were deposited in our account yesterday and we just paid off all our credit cards and will be paying back some money we borrowed within the week.  The relief is palpable since this has been a rough year employment-wise and a near constant struggle to both eat (ok, looking at me eating obviously happens) and keep our apartment.   So now we have caught up so we can move forward with at least one albatross missing from our neck.

Hopefully the remainder of 2010 will have no grand financial dramas and neither Shu or I will have to pound the pavement once more to find work.  I have a few things that I’m working on getting going on the side that will make a little extra since I’m not quite earning enough but only a fool jumps ship with no land in sight.

So all in all, my loyal and beloved Lummoxcateers I raise my glass and toast you all with wishes of financial solvency, or at least the extra scratch to buy yourself something stupid and unessicary.


Sleep & Me: Lack of & Excess

Posted in failure on February 20, 2010 by kingbiscuitpants

It’s 6 am I should be sleeping, it is one of my treasured days off where I don’t have to wake at 5 to take care of kid related bullshit, but I’m here typing because I thought that a slice of anchovy pizza and a bowl of baked beans were a great dinner decision and well…  Let’s say it’s causing me to be awake and leave it at that.

In general sleep & I have never quite gotten along.  From the time I was 10 years old I’ve had insomnia so it gave me more time to read to precocious levels and work on being perpetually bitter.   Working all sorts of crazy hours through the years just added  to the problem so now my internal clock is about as reliable as a watch bought for less than 5 bucks at the flea market and left in the care of a toddler.  This morning in fact I passed out in front of my computer without warning from 10:40 am to 1pm, screwing up my plans for the day entirely.

So now I’m here hoping to be able to get back to sleep (but likely won’t) trying not to wake anybody up (already have), and just hoping I’ll actually be able to get some things done Saturday, which it already is.  Since teh Intarweb is the denizen of insomniacs I’m sure there is some Mountain Dew fueled sympathy out there; but they are probably too busy browsing “Furry” pics on 4Chan to “make fun of” to take care of me.

Don’t worry my loyal Lummoxcateers, I’ll be fine or at least no worse than usual.