there is tired and then there is tired

I officially knew I was depressed when I bought the pickled sausage at the gas station today.

there have only been 2 occasions in my entire life when I’ve eaten them happily; once several years ago while enjoying a particularly fun sci fi convention as a single art student (amusingly i roomed with shu & her family long before there was even a glimmer of our future) and once in Miami when I was getting gas & they had them on the hot dog roller.  At this stage in my life, a pickled sausage is a promise of pain, like the culinary equivlant of being a cutter.

It just wears you down, life does…  We are working like mad, sacrificing all but utter necessities (I count cable & internet since we cant afford to go anywhere) and are still running severly short on bills….  If anybody wants to donate I’ll let you…  I’m still suffering from exhaustion (at least according to the EMT’s who revived me a few weeks back who frequently stop by work for ribs & to marvel at the fact that t am still amongst the living) yet I’m trying to find work on the side to catch us up.

Kira at least is feeling more herself after her stomach ailment since she’s now back to being an ungrateful little bitch and refusing to help out around the house.  I feel we lost so much knowledge since the Victorian age, back then they had children working in coal mines, I can barely get mine to do the catbox.  In any case I no longer think I’ll have to deal with the aftermath of my sick children’s inability to get any  vomit at all actually into the bowl–I’ll let you do the math on that one.

Shu herself is beat to the ground as well, between work, pain & keeping the kids/house in line, my back is finally healed but still the catchup will still be as pleasant as an incedent involving my scrotum & a paper shredder…  Which is inevetably doomed to futility anyway.

Moments like this I desperately wish my dad was still alive, I just don’t know how he fucking SURVIVED all the bullshit of parenthood…  I also really lack any close friends who are parents so I feel especially like I have no Idea what I’m doing since I’ve no peers to compare parental notes with with children anywhere near the age of mine.

In any case i  know it at last O’ll kno LL BVEAT OR AIMWTHING


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