Archive for November, 2009

Transformers: Rise of teh Fallen: Not too bad actually

Posted in rants on November 30, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

First let me say if I edited the movie there would be no humans, or dialog; only badass robot fightin’; this being said I actually had some dumb fun while watching this DVD with my family last night.

I freely admit there were some tumor inducingly dumb moments in the film, made evident by countless bloggers, Spike’s mom & the pot brownies, the gettho bots known as “the twins” and most annoyingly to me Bumblebee losing his voice again turning him essentially into a robot Lassie.  Also what’s up with the Autocockblock scene?  In this incarnation there are no female robots so would Bumblebee really give two greasy pistons about human monogamy?

This being said the film delivered all I ever really want in a Transformers movie…  Ok in any movie….  Ok even when I’m in the middle of a parent-teacher conference.  Badass robot fightin’!!!  Unlike many “critics” I had no problems telling which robot was fighting which and best of all Optimus Prime (who I’m still crestfallen that I haven’t grown up to be) kicked all sorts of robot ass.  It was like a robot MMA, with Optimus being so brutal I may or may not admit to have exclaimed a few adolescent words of encouragement during some of my favorite moments. I also like the fact that the humans were not helpless victims, instead they were tactically vital in the big battle scenes.

This movie is exactly what it proclaims to be, 2 hours of dumb, entertaining,  toy commercial nothing more or less.  I actually preferred it to the first movie and I even reccomend it if you’re looking for a couple of hours of big dumb fun.


$100 Dollar Telecaster Challenge Courtesy, MIMF

Posted in music on November 29, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

The Musical Instrument Maker’s Forum is one of my favorite websites ever, as you expect it’s where both amateur and professional luthiers can share, confer, gossip & show off.  For Haloween they had a challenge to make a Telecaster style guitar for $100 bucks or less & it was fascinating.  For your edification I decided to toss up a link to all the completed guitars in the contest as they are amongst the coolest things this side of fighting robots!

Let me know what you think.

Turning a corner around the prime meridian

Posted in rants on November 24, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

A few days ago I was planning to get together with Gregg & Scott since I’ve been an impoverished recluse for a while (good thing I start work Wed night) and we had the following phone conversation:

Gregg said, “So you want to hang out; we could meet at the King’s Head?”

“I don’t know it’s getting a little late…  What’s it 7ish?”

Then we both stopped dead in our tracks, I’ve been the most notorious party animal for many years, so if I said,

“I don’t know it’s getting a little late…  What’s it 7ish?” I was meaning AM not PM as I was the other night.  Truth be told I’m usually in bed before 10 now, though in my defense we usually wake up around 5 am around these parts.  Still it was so weird to have suddenly become “that guy”.

I did, however, get together with the boys that night and stayed up past my bedtime and enjoyed their company…  But I did need a nap in the afternoon.

The new “The Prisoner” mini series, utter shit, don’t waste your time.

Posted in rants on November 23, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

I desperately wanted this to be good or at the very least watchable, because I’m a rabid & obsessive fan of the original.   I even watched the entire mind numingly dull series and of sound mind and honest heart utter shit.  I had high hopes only because of sir Ian MacKellan; I am a huge fan of his and frankly I sat through the whole thing like a junkie waiting for a fix of that sweet sweet Gandolf, sadly they were handing out watered down methadone.  The only 2 scenes that were any fun at all were the cake with cherries bit & when he was messing with the “speaking cure” Bobsey Twins.  Every other actor/character was cardboard dull, the art direction, dull, the pacing painful.  I failed to get a friend into the original series and he couldn’t because of the slow pacing (never a problem of the original in my opinion but I digress) this one has all the excitement of an early Warhol film where he’d film a blank wall or some shit for ten hours.

After watching that sloppy pile of dog vomit that was the remake, I rewatched all 17 original “The Prisoner ” episodes on demand (the only good thing to come of this) and without a doubt it was vastly superior in every way.  Even the “Village” which was a real seaside resort that still stands to this day, was effectively creepy in a late 60’s luxury sort of way.  Let us not forget the late great Patrick McGoohan and the way he positively chewed up the scenery, & all the other actors really sold that strange damnable estate.  To this day the show has shown more sheer testicular fortitude than any pale imitation and showed some of the best writing ever produced for the small screen.

There are some who might think I’m being so hard on the remake because of my fondness for the original, in fact the opposite was true.  If the remake was not called “The Prisoner” I would almost assuredly have changed the channel in signifigantly less tha fifteen minuted and certainly would have been a better man for it.  In summation watch the original and avoid the remake at all costs.

Oh yeah, and the running gag about the wraps was just fucking retarded.

The vulture’ s melancholy

Posted in rants on November 23, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

I’m glad that you were able to get past that horrificly pretentious title, but it is appropriate if you bear with me.  Last night I joined my mother and grandmother at my recently departed cousin Jimmy’s apartment to help clean it out.  It is an unpleasant task but necissary &  since my family down here is a very practical bunch in a great many ways we make use of all the remaining belongings of the deceased and donate what we don’t need to charity.  In our minds waste is both senseless and disrespectful to the deceased.  So accompanied by my oldest son charles we loaded up a few shopping carts of unmitigated trash and put it in the dumpster, we ourselves taking home a good amount of groceries, toiletries and books & today or tomorrow we’ll bring home the chest of drawers that will do much good for logan who had been making due with rapidly disintegrating plastic storage as well as whatever other small items we might find useful.

I’ve been through this before with my father, who’s landscaping equipment has helped me to both counterfit a clothespin & prepare my home for zombie attacks, and years earlier with my grandfather’s ephemera, but this time it was worse.  Since I picked up a bunch of appraisal tips from my Aunt Lucille, my mom was trying to have me find things of value to sell, sadly there was very little though I do intend to take pics for a craigslist/ebay ads.

So now my mother is desperately trying to find a way to pay for jim’s cremation and I can do nothing really to help since my family is struggling ourselves.

Goodbye Jimmy, We’ll Miss You…& Logan’s Resulting Questions

Posted in kids on November 19, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

Yesterday at 10:15am my Cousin Jimmy died after fighting a degenerative liver disease for several years, he was 63.  He was my mother’s cousin but my relationship with him was as a close and caring uncle, he was a huge influence on me as one of the 3 primary male role modles in my life and when I find the words I’ll type out the eulogy he deserves as he was a very interesting guy.   So now my Grandfather, Father & now Jim are dead; it’s weird how that specific part of my family is almost surgicially removed, but surprisingly this is going to turn into another post about my kids.

When I broke the news to Kira it was as expected, she cried for quite a while but was ok in the end; of course the same can be said for her reaction this morning when she found out we were out of milk.  Logan’s reaction to the bad news was (rolls dice) met with his typical inquisitiveness.  First he said, “Well, that’s just a pity isn’t it; what are they going to do with the body?”  I explained Jim’s wish to be cremated, to which a panoply of questions began.

“Well shouldn’t you start gathering firewood?”

“Do you have to use a crematorium? That seems like no fun.  Is he burning now?”

“Where is the body, I don’t know if your mom would want a mess in her living room?”

“Oh so the morgue is like a cross between a file cabinet and a refridgerator…  I wonder if we could rent out some space in one so we have more room for leftovers.”

“Yeah, & I guess driving to the morgue for dinner would be a pain; how much does cremation cost?”

“That’s a rip off!  You really shouldn’t be lazy,  I bet we could do it ourselves for only $20.00 dollors.  I can help you gather branches and start the fire.”

“Why do you need a liscence to do that, how hard could it be?”  (Logan has a fixation on liscences of any kind that also can turn quite easily to a 2 hour series of querys on that subject as well)

This line of questioning went on without exaggeration for 2 hours & I swear I’m not making any of this up.  I’m not one to believe in ghosts or spirits but Jimmy had a great sense of humor and I know if he was a fly on the wall he’d have found the conversation a riot & frankly I needed a good laugh after hearing the news that he had passed away.  Nothing like and endless parade of tactless questions about human decomposition to take one’s mind off of the acute awareness of human mortality.

Rock and Roll Really needs Jobriath Right Now

Posted in music on November 11, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

Now I realize that most of you have never heard of Jobriath so here’s a youtube link go listen I’ll wait.

Pretty cool huh, there’s other stuff online but you can easily find it yourself.  Jobriath was the USA’s answer to Bowie, but he was more than a glam rock clone but really had a great range of original songs, he was also (not a shocker if you watched the clip) super maga openly gay so that ended up shooting him in the foot.  In recent years the closest he’s come to a comeback were both his influence & nod in the movie Velvet Goldmine.

But all that aside he’d really fit in right now with the cutting edge hipster crowd & frankly I think that his work would really take off if given a chance.  If you look at “The Killers”, “Sissor Sisters”, or “Franz Ferdinand” his stuff would fit in on a package tour & he would probably blow them out of the water.

Basically rock has gotten too bonehead, “Nickelback” hetero and needs a hot gay injection to make it relavant again.

Sadly Jobriath passed away from AIDS related illnesses years ago so even if he has a resurgance it won’t do him any good, but still he produced a ton of high quality sientificly dirty, unironic “rock & roll” and I don’t know if that’s even possible anymore.