Archive for September, 2009

What makes a truely good hamburger or hotdog?

Posted in Food on September 29, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

As I have stated before I’m now managing a failing hamburger/hot dog based restaurant that I was brought in to turn around.  Since this is my family’s livelyhood I’d really like some honest suggestions as to what raises such a simple thing to greatness.

Is it ingredients?

Is it reigonal eccentricity?

Is it toppings?

Is it the prize with the kids meal?

In all seriousness I’m trying to get into the zen of the perfect fast food hamburger and hotdog so your responses might well keep my family fed.


Bachelor/Slob last chance indulgence, work update, meditation

Posted in rants on September 27, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

I have the house to myself for several more hours, I’ve slept late (for me at least I’m used to getting up at 5), I am off work, & I know with utter certainty that I won’t have a day off, let alone a quiet on in the forseeable future because of my new manager job. 

So what am I up to?

I’m in my bathrobe, watching Iron Maiden concert videos at full volume while a large pot of what will be the mashed potatoes I’ll be using for  a turkey darkmeat “shepard’s pie” while pounding out a quick blog post on a borrowed laptop (thanks son), trying to assemble the necissary slack energies for the weeks to come.

I know I’m a real wildman these days, & I will do a bit of drawing & working on my food order for work but I need the rest and a rare indulgence.   The good thing is if I can keep up 60-70 hour weeks (without dying) for the next 3 months all our financial concerns (student loans notwithstanding) will finally be caught up….  

Assuming the restaurant….

The restaurant that I was brought in to attempt to save….

Is not another victim of economic ignominity….

Ironically this windfall does include me slinging weenies as I am now the general manager of a very small independent hamburger/hotdog/wings/fries fast food place that I have been given carte blance in.

It’s in South FL so any suggestions are appreciated.

Good News bad news

Posted in rants on September 24, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

good news is that I found a new job as a general manager for a restaurant that I’m dragging out from the abyss; bad news is that my hard drive grashed so I’m in internet withdrawl so my posts will be sporadic.  wish me luck as I have no idea what i’m doing.

In which I describe my absolute hatred for “Guitar Hero” & it’s ilk.

Posted in music, rants on September 16, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

To begin with let me sum it up with this:  It’s fucking “Simon”.

Those of you with a similar number of years as me will remember this; “Simon” was a standard C-battery sucking electronic game from  the 8o’s by Milton Bradley; where it played a bunch of lights & notes at a random & increasing rate and you tried to match it.  “Guitar hero” (and “Rockband” as if there’s a goddamn difference really and if there is I honsestly don’t give a flying shit so don’t fucking bother me with their nuances) is the same goddamn thing, just with better music and fancier presentation.  It is about as similar to playing an instrument as a bad case of the whiskey shits is to a skilled performance of Argentine style tango.  Perhaps it’s because I’m a washed up former musician with emotional problems (ok almost certainly) but every aspect of it makes me violently angry that it exists.

Now in general I make great effort to keep my long list of twisted and random neurosis affect my parenting decisions (I usually fail), but in this one thing I make no effort: I categorically refuse to allow that plastic abomination into my home, or for people to buy it for them.  Before you condemn me, know I actually bought my two younger kids (8 & 11 for people not farmilliar with my ramblings) real and playable guitars and provided lessons, knowing well thay they’d bang around on them for an hour before allowing them to rot away in their cases.

People defend “Guitar Hero” by saying it gets kids into music & I also cry bullshit on that.  Sure there are a handful of kids who moved to real instruments from those games but I’ll bet thousands more kids just settled for the bullshit instant gratification of the game, like the fat, ignorant, douchebag, type 2 diabetes having, negative American stereotypes that they are .  Then one might try to defend the game again by saying “Actually some of the levels are very difficult and take ages to masteer”  You mean like the amount of time it could take you to ACTUALLY LEARN A FUCKING SONG!!!  Let me tell you something else no matter how good you are at guitar hero it will never get you laid…  Never. Not once, not ever.   Hell, even when I was a mediocre musician (ok you can argue I still am) performing onstage has helped many a time to make up for the fact that I’m a dangerously neurotic man who is physically repulsive. 

The only “redeeming” quality if any, is that it does allow the music industry to make a few buck in the age of the downloand & helped bands like Coheed & Cambria & Dragonforce to gain some popularity but that’s it.  To best describe my feelings towards “Guitar Hero” (without resulting to obseneties) it would be like the son of an orthodox Jewish Rabbi expressing intrest in building a smoker in the living room to embrace his lifelong passion for whole hog barbeque. 

Forgive the language by the way this is just one of those things that has been adding to my likelyness of getting cancer for a while & I feel better now that it’s off my chest.

Leftover Alchemy: Dom’s Tuna Empanadas

Posted in Food on September 12, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

Here is another happy accident/leftover disguise that worked shockingly well. Shu has the benefit of getting lots of leftovers from her cook job, therefore saving us tons of money but giving us some culinary challenges. This week Shu brought home (amongst some other things) a massive bag of prepared tuna salad (e.g. Mayo, celery. Salt & pepper) knowing we wouldn’t be able to go through that much tuna in sandwich form; I decided to roll the dice & try to make empanada. To save time (and mess) I bought my pizza dough from the grocery store, should you want to make your’s from scratch just click the following link.

The entire family really enjoyed the dish and barring the mild nuisance of stuffing the individual “pies” fairly easy.



2 pounds risen pizza dough,

a couple of handfuls of either flour or corn muffin mix,

5 tablespoons of olive oil,

2 onions, diced to bits,

2 carrots, diced to bits,

1 green pepper, diced to bits,

2 ounces sliced olives of your choice,

3 cloves of garlic, diced or run through a press,

about 2 pounds of prepared tuna salad,

1 tablespoon of salt,

3 tablespoons paprika,

1 tablespoon Mrs Dash (I know, make fun of me but it’s good)

a hefty dash of soy sauce,

a few shakes of Badia complete (or a few shakes each of garlic & onion powder & some dried parsley)

Sirachi Chili sauce to taste (I left this out of the dish itself since I was feeding the whole family, but I used it copiously on the finished product as I felt it really opened up the flavor)


First make sure that your dough has time to rise properly. As for the filling take a large frying pan and add the olive oil and carrots first, as the carrots take the longest and cook at medium high heat. When the carrots are about halfway cooked, toss in the onions, peppers, garlic and spices & allow to sweat thoroughly at medium heat. Once the vegetables are all cooked through add the tuna salad & fold into the vegetable mixture and simmer for about 10 minutes or so. At this point you might need to add a touch more olive oil to keep the consistency right; basically if it feels a bit dry as you stir it add a little. After you have simmered the tuna and veggies together allow to cool so you can work with it more easily when you introduce it to the dough.


Now time to deal with the dough. Assuming it has risen, dust liberally with flour (or corn muffin mix) and start dividing the dough into balls roughly twice the diameter of a golf ball. When all of our dough is sufficiently “ballified” dust a large cutting board with flour and start to roll them out and stuff them. Basically roll the dough till it’s about 5 inches by 4 inches & roughly ¼ inch thick, and place a big heaping tablespoon of the tuna mixture in the center then pinch shut and placed on a cookie tray that has been liberally sprayed with non-stick spray. Cook at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 10 minutes, check to make sure there has been no disaster then put back in for another ten minutes or so. There you have it, now you know a delicious way to transform a preponderance of tuna salad.

Drawing My Living Room: Now Featuring the Area Just to the Right of My TV!!!

Posted in art on September 11, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

livingRoom4LowI’m sure that all of you were waiting with baited breath for the next glimpse of my palacial abode, so I keep you suffering no longer.  Ladies & Gentlemen I give you the area just to the Right of my TV (the first drawing).

This one (to refresh your memories on the rules I must use only the random crap my family leaves around as my medium as I draw around my apartment) was done in a nameless promotional giveaway, blue ink, ball point pen & some really cheap colored pencils. 

It’s funny the strong smell of cheap ball point pen ink reminded me of when I was in grade school taking notes, odd the olfactory associations that one’s mind makes. 

Also in case you are curious about the Imperial Guard helmet, it’s our vacuum cleaner cozy.  Shu made it by hot gluing some red cloth to an old and heat warped Imperial Guard helmet that we found when we moved.

Leftover Alchemy: Dom’s Vaguely BBQ Chicken Spaghetti, with Ham & Stuff

Posted in Food on September 9, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

Like most people nowadays things are really tight so stretching our food budget really is a daily lifesaver in our house. A lucky and well timed perk of Shu’s current job (she’s Cheffing) is a copious amount of leftover food & prepped ingredients. The one down side of this, however, is that there is definitely a ticking clock to use up the ingredients. This dish is an example of creative transmogrification of ingredients since Logan hates leftovers so I go through lengths to deceive him. Ironically enough, I’ve never had such a positive reaction to a dish from him EVER and Shu & the rest of the kids loved it too(which is funny since it was one of those “cubbard was bare” improvisations) so since everybody told me to put this in the blog I am. The key source of meat for this was 2 pounds of leftover chicken salad that Shu brought home from work, but I’m writing it for cooked chicken leftovers of any kind. This makes about 10 servings. So here we go.


a few tablespoons of olive oil,

2 pounds cooked chicken,

2 cans condensed tomato soup,

½ of a cup of ketchup (I hated myself for using this but it did the trick perfectly),

½ a pound of cooked ham diced, (leftover deli meat is ideal, even honey glazed deli turkey will work but ham is definitely the king here)

3 small baked potatoes diced to bits (this is optional but I had them in the fridge & wanted to use them up),

4 yellow onions sliced thinly (I’m still having way too much fun with the mandolin we were given)

3 tablespoons of diced garlic,

1 cup of stock (the richer the better, consumme would be ideal, I had some leftover cooking liquid from the lamb head so it was solid, but regular stock will work),

½ a cup of mayonnaise,

2 stalks of celery diced,

1 cup of cheap ass red wine,

½ a cup of Mojo marinade (it’s just so useful & cheap),

Salt, pepper, cumin, cayenne flakes, oregano, garlic & onion powder to taste, (I used about a tablespoon or so of each)

a good dash of soy sauce,

10 servings worth of the pasta of your choice, but I strongly recommend spaghetti.

Not exactly rocket science to make: take a large saucepan & sweat the onions, when the onions are about halfway cooked add all of the liquid ingredients (mayo too), stir and allow to simmer for about 10 minutes or so, then throw everything else in and simmer for an hour or so, stirring and tasting frequently to make sure that the tastes are blending nicely. I’m assuming you know how to make pasta so I won’t bother you with that. That’s it really, I could have been more brief & said, “Toss it in a pot, stir & serve over spaghetti…” and that’s basically what I did. This is one of those loose types of recipes that are amongst the staples in my household, so feel free to modify depending on your refrigerator contents. Frankly I’m a touch embarrassed but an enthusiastic well fed family knows more than I do any day.