I am Galactus, Devourer of Careers!!!
As I so subtly teased you all earlier in my certainly life changing post in which I list my favorite vocalists, I am recently unemployed. I was laid off as one of many casualties of the downward spiral that the restaurant I was working at is in the midst of. So as I have begun the laborious & emasculating process of job hunting I have realized I have brought as much luck to my various places of work as a virulent epidemic of herpes to a whorehouse.
Of the 15 or so jobs I’ve had in the past 10 years only 3 are still in buisness, or at the very least the location or office has been shut down or moved. It does make job hunting rather difficult when your completely honest job application seems to be a tale of unverifiable woe. Even if the employer were to look online and verify any of these aspects of my job history, they would only be able to find the places existed, then suddenly closed, as if by the wrath of a vengeful deity. So basicly, there is a connotation in my resume that it is a tight web of utter lies, & I’m in actuality an escaped sociopath who’s job history is mostly stabbing people’s grandmothers in the eye. It also doesn’t help that being a 6’3″, 255 pound (I lost some weight thanks for noticing) scar covered, sweaty beast of a man makes me look like, well, an escaped sociopath who’s job history is mostly stabbing people’s grandmothers in the eye; even when I’m freshly scrubbed.
I’m sure employment will eventually find me, until then I’ll be out there pounding the pavement every day filling out applications until my hands feel like I finished 1st, 3rd & 8th in a jack off competition. Wish me luck peoples.
Oh, and much like me my truck isn’t working either… Forgot to mention that.