Holy Crap I Bought New Shoes!
Ok, I realize that for most people that is less than interesting, but for people like me who are a throwback to gigantopithicus it is a rare achievement. I wear a size 15 shoe quadruple wide. Hell, I can’t even go camping or I’ll be bothered incessantly by cryptozooligists. No really, I swear this isn’t a dick joke, I’m six-foot-three, and around 300 pounds, with an 18 neck & a 37 inch sleeve length so every clothes shopping trip is a mixture of frustration, trauma & expense.
Shu had found a coupon good for $20.00 dollars off at the Reebok Outlet at the “Sawgrass Mills” mall: now for my non Floridian readers “Sawgrass Mills” is a very successful (even in these socioeconomic times) outlet mall that is over half a mile long and a sprawling maze of retail confusion. I have successfully avoided this mall for many years due to my dedicated hatred of shopping; but today with a coupon that expires tomorrow and sneakers in a rapid state of partially ferret induced disintegration I was forced to brave the belly of the beast alone; as Shu was at work & we had plans to see the new “Star Trek” tonight-she’s going “in ridge” that’s it’s own story. Since most of my shoe shopping experiences have left me with post traumatic stress disorder, I looked upo the “Reebok” store’s number and called to see if they had any size 15’s. The cashier assured me that they did but I’ve been lied to before. I suspiciously arrived at the mall (which I only today realized is less than 5 minutes from the house by car) fully expecting to get hopelessly lost, go feral & have to be coaxed down from the top of a ceiling support by a RC helicopter with a free Haagen Daas coupon dangling from it’s struts, but luckily things went smoothly. In conclusion $47.00 dollars and a minor panic attack later I am now the pround owner of a pair of brown suede (I wanted black leather but I’ll settle) “Reebok” hiking sneaker thingy’s. I know this isn’t the most interesting of stories but every time I can get shoes for under $150.00 it is an event for me since once you pass size 13 they start charging by the yard.