Motivation, or in my general case a lack thereof for the most part.  Like everyone right now I suppose ,it feels like murder to put one foot infront of the other for only 39 cents above minimum wage; it’s like their way of saying “Oh, we’d pay you less, but then the math gets annoying so it’s easier to round to an even number…”  Moments like this I wish that my father or grandfather were still alive.  Now that I have a family to support I really understand and appreciate all that they did to take care of us; I also more than anything else wonder fow the hell they didn’t go out of their fucking minds from the stress.   Maybe like me they trudged along on the edge of a total nervous breakdown, it would make what they did all the more impressive–though my gut instinct tells me that they just made them tougher back then.

I am motivated very legitimatly by a desire to take care of my family, hell I have fresh memories (5 months ago) of actually making a livable wage until the mental and physical health tolls of that job took me out.  But really I’m surprised I even muster the will to type these silly little missives out.  I guess I just miss actually having time & money, and while I “think” I’m doing a decent job as a father who knows if  I’m screwing that up or not.  Hell, I know how much work & effort my family put into me and the mess that I ended up being.  I’m just tired, and sick (stomach virus) and unable to get to sleep so hopefully pounding this out will stop these thoughts from running overly rampant in my mind.  Good Night Folks.


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