Pavoratti & Me, A Public Service Message

Pavoratti & Me, A Public Service Message

Being fat, bearded & Italian often causes me much consternation; most recently, the frequent confusion between me & the late, great opera singer Luciano Pavarotti. As a service to the public I’m going to iron out these problems once & for all.

I have never been considered a genius in my time.

I have never performed as a tenor in any opera house.

I have never spoken Italian successfully.

I have never met Ronald Regan.

I have never killed a hooker.

I have never eaten a hooker that I had earlier killed.

I have never shared aforementioned hooker carcass with Ronald Regan as the main course of a dinner party; television’s Alf & Webster were invited to the party but were unable to attend.

Luciano Pavoratti always had better thing to do.

Luciano Pavoratti never suffered from delusions about celebrities killing & eating hookers.

Luciano Pavoratti rarely is on Allan Moore’s mind

Luciano Pavoratti never had the delusion that helicopters were chasing him down for drunkenly pissing on the front door of a Porsche dealership.

Luciano Pavoratti never drunkenly pissed on the front door of a Porsche dealership.

Luciano Pavoratti never fixated on constantly using ampersands.

Luciano Pavoratti was absolutely certain of the spelling of his first & last name.

Hopefully this has cleared up a great number of misunderstandings & will hopefully enrich your lives.

Thank you.


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