Archive for March, 2009

At last my “Watchmen” review

Posted in rants on March 30, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

 

It’s O.K. Allan…

Allan Moore, Allybaby, Allie Moorsey, Allie Smooches, Al, Furry Al, it is O.K. “The Watchmen” was good, no not perfect, but really they did as good a job on it as any human could on the film. Yes I, like you, really missed the squid alien vagina creatures that were originally part of Adrian’s plan; and there were small minutia that I also missed; like the weird cigarette tobacco sphere “thingys”, (which struck me as odd since you see more blue cock than if you were to cruise the men’s room in Smurf village in the film, but only “The Comedian” is allowed to smoke-the ratings board is kooky) but it is really safe to see the movie, I’ll go with you & hold your hand even. Yes, I know they condensed Rorschach Psychoanalysis & eliminated the curse of the black pearl; but really, doing it as an anime really is a total 180 from the vintage “EC” comics feel you & Dave Gibbons were going for so it is for the best even though it was a great device to establish the relationship between the kid & the newspaper vendor.

Now to my other readers who may not know this, Allan Moore, lambasted the film & even went so far as to sign away any funds made from the film to Dave Gibbons who’s quiet artistic virtuosity that the film was delightfully loyal to. Many people really can’t comprehend how Allan (I can call him that because of my imaginary relationship with him) can turn down millions for film adapt ions, they can’t even comprehend how he spends his days; I can understand. He spends his days trying to comprehend mine. He wakes up, worries about my blood pressure, writes me a letter asking about how the kids are doing he never posts but files, with the others, combs the squirrels out of his beard, gazes longingly at the English countryside. But really the movie is very watchable & I don’t think they really could have done any better; it’s like being mad at your 10 year old for not cleaning your spark plugs properly, really, how much were you expecting. It’s O.K. Allybaby, it’ll all be all right, come home I’ll make that cake you like.

Dom’s Pressure Cooker, Chicken Cabbage Stew

Posted in Food on March 26, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

Dom’s Pressure Cooker, Chicken Cabbage Stew

When money is an issue, every day is an episode of “Iron Chefs” & the creation of this dish is no exception. At my restaurant job, as I have mentioned in earlier articles, one of the few perks is the ability to take home trimmings & castoffs; as a result of this I had amassed about 2 pounds or so of chicken trimmings that needed to be used, combine this with an extra head of cabbage bought for a lackluster St Patty’s Day celebration and a dish was born. I used the pressure cooker in making this but you can make it in a large stock pot as well. This dish is a very typical example of everyday eating at my house & I personally didn’t find it all that noteworthy, however, my mother, grandmother & friend Matt stated most enthusiastically that I should type up the recipe so here we go. By the way this recipe comfortably feeds 10 on a budget.

Ingredients:

2-3 pounds of preferably boneless chicken pieces, any cut will do

2 cups of cheap ass wine

1 cup Mojo Marinade (it’s a kitchen necessity for me and cheap as all hell,you can usually get 32 ounces for under 3 bucks)

1 large onion

6 tablespoons soy sauce

“Badia Complete” seasoning (you can substitute equal parts garlic powder, onion powder & parsley)

“Mrs. Dash” (I have an embarrassing weakness for this)

salt to taste

1 entire head of cabbage

5 or six tablespoons minced garlic

several tablespoons of olive oil

1, 1 pound bag of mixed vegetables (preferably a mix that includes okra since it will help the stew to thicken)

1, 12 ounce can of diced tomatoes

1 can of cream of chicken soup

2 cups of water

1 tablespoon cumin

1 tablespoon paprika

1 tablespoon turmeric

3 tablespoons dried oregano

3 tablespoons dried basil

several enthusiastic grinds of black pepper

This one is pretty fast & dirty if you have a pressure cooker. First take your chicken & toss it into a bowl or a gallon zipper bag, add the wine, soy, Mojo, “Badia Complete”, “Mrs. Dash” & a splash of olive oil and let sit overnight or for a few hours while you run errands.

Take your pressure cooker (or large stock pot) add enough olive oil to comfortably cover the bottom of the pan and put on high heat.

Chop your onions and garlic & toss into the pot, then dump the bag of marinating chicken into the pot & give it a good stir every so often as you prepare the rest of the ingredients.

Open your cans of tomato & cream of chicken soup & add to the pot, then give another good stir.

Add the frozen vegetables, water, a splash more wine & soy & spices; again giving a good stir.

Lower heat to medium/high and slice the cabbage into thin strips; as if you were making cole slaw & place gently on top of the other ingredients, not mixing it in.

Generously sprinkle with some more spices and either affix the top of your pressure cooker & cook for 1 hour on medium/high; or if using a stock pot put on the lid and cook on medium(with frequent stirring) for 3 hours.

Dom’s Chicken Nachos for Rita Welborne

Posted in Food on March 24, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

 

Dom’s Chicken Nachos for Rita Welborne

 

Last night I had the pleasure of serving the very talented vocalist, Rita Welborne, (who’s website I will be adding to this when I have a chance to edit this) who found herself particularly enamored with my chicken nachos; & since flattery will get you everywhere with me I’m typing out this quick & fairly simple recipe as promised. This dish will comfortably serve 2.

Ingredients:

Roughly 40 tortilla chips (either fresh fried or packaged)

6 ounces of diced chicken

½ of a green pepper diced

½ onion diced

1 cup of jarred salsa (or homemade)

vegetable oil for frying

paprika

garlic powder

onion powder

old bay seasoning

a splash of Worcestershire sauce

black pepper

1 cup sharp cheddar cheese

¼ head of iceberg lettuce

¼ cup sour cream

1/3 cup sliced canned jalapeños

Asumming that the tortilla chips are done; take a large skillet at medium high heat with a lid and toss in some vegetable oil and the diced chicken, onions and peppers.

Toss in the seasonings to taste, (basically a few vigorous shakes of each & a hefty squirt of Worcestershire and roughly 3 tablespoons of the canned jalapeño juice), give it a good stir and place the lid on for a minute or 2.

When the chicken appears to be done; add ½ cup of the salsa, stir & replace the lid for a minute.

Take a microwave safe dish and put a shallow layer of the chips and roughly 1/3 the cheese, then the same proportion of the chicken mixture.

Repeat the aforementioned task until you use all the chips, cheese & salsa, then put in the microwave for roughly 1 minute 40 seconds.

When the cheese is melted, cover with an even layer of finely shredded lettuce and scatter the periphery of the dish with jalapeños.

Simple as that you serve as mentioned with a couple of sou flee cups on the side of salsa and sour cream respectively.

 

Dom’s Child Labor Bruschetta

Posted in Food on March 23, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

 

Dom’s Child Labor Bruschetta

This is a very simple crowd pleaser when entertaining, that has the advantage of being both dirt cheap to make as well as a simple way to squeeze work out of a well intentioned 7 year old. I hosted a brunch last Sunday and it was enthusiastically devoured by both parents & children. Be prepared, however, to soon be sick of hearing a small child announcing that they helped make it every 30 seconds or so for the next 3 hours.

Ingredients:

1 large loaf slightly stale Italian bread

less than one ounce of wine (any type will do)

an ounce or 2 of olive oil

black pepper (preferably fresh ground)

dried or fresh basil

oregano

parsley

garlic powder

1 12 oz. Can of seasoned diced tomatoes (fresh will work too)

some Parmesan cheese

First slice the bread into approximately ½ inch thick slices (I don’t recommend having the child do this part) and place on a large cookie sheet.

Pour a little wine in a rocks glass and hand it & a basting brush to the small child & tell them to brush both sides throughly.

Drizzle generously with olive oil, then again get your child to wield their mighty basting brush and even out the coating of oil on the top of the bread.

Step in and vigorously shake oregano, parsley & get the child to enthusiastically use the pepper grinder on the bread.

Open up and lightly drain the can of diced tomatoes and spoon a heaping tablespoon or so on each bread slice, then add some garlic powder, more of the herbs and shake a touch of grated cheese on top.

Place in a 350 degree oven for 6 to 10 minutes, remove & serve.

Reunited With an old Nemesis

Posted in rants on March 19, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

I thought it a chapter in my life long behind me. The noise alone is the stuff of nightmares after all these years. And now it is no longer a nightmare but in my home.

It started innocently enough, while in conversation with my grandmother it came up that my vacuum cleaner had died and so it began.

My mother heard of this so she called my wife and offered to give us her old vacuum cleaner, and now it is in my house.

Now I do understand how a dull anecdote about a 2nd hand vacuum seems far from “Eldritch Horror” but that inanimate object & I have a history. My mother bought it over 20 years ago…holy shit I’m old but that’s not the case here. It’s not so much a vacuum but a jet engine with a short cable, a jerky motor and a bad temper.

It is loud. It is really loud. It is really fucking loud. It is really fucking loud in all the frequencies that make the hair on the back of my neck kill themselves in the most painful & creative ways possible.

The sound of this machine is the sound of realizing that there is no god and after death is only oblivion, and in the midst of that existential breakdown you get a swift punch in the nuts.

If that experience had a sound–that vacuum possesses it…

As you might imagine it permanently made me adverse to vacuums in general, but I grew up, moved on and gradually blocked out all memory of the dread device…and now it’s here, laughing at me from the corner of my living room.

Now I do appreciate my mother’s sincere generosity, for despite the fact that the vacuum is a vessel of evil it is a quality machine with good cleaning power. I will give my old enemy that respect as it is fairly due. My mother also being a fairly reasonable human being thinks me a touch melodramatic with my various battles of will with inanimate objects…But mark my words, that machine is evil, and the back left burner on my electric range is getting kinda uppity lately.

 

Dom’s Chocolate Cherry Cordial Strawberry Shortcake

Posted in Food on March 19, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

Dom’s Chocolate Cherry Cordial Strawberry Shortcake

 

This is something I created for Shu’s Birthday, based on her 2 favorite sweets, it’s actually pretty easy.

 

Ingredients:

 

1 box devil’s food cake mix (Yes a mix. Why? Because I’m lazy.)

12 ounces dried cherries (though dried cranberries would work in a pinch)

5 ounces or so of Chamboard or any raspberry liqueur

half of a pound of semi sweet chocolate chips

½ cup of brown sugar

5 ounces white zinfandel

roughly a ¼ teaspoon of each of the following

clove

ginger

cinnamon

a hefty squirt of honey

¼ cup of jelly, any kind (i prefer to use mango jelly, but that is what is normally in my fridge)

roughly 1 pound of sliced strawberries

enough whipped cream to cover the cake

 

Preparation is simple enough; start by unceremoniously dumping the dried cherries into a pint glass and add just enough Chambord to cover them then promptly go to bed. All jokes aside it’s best left overnight but 4 or 5 hours will do in a pinch. You have to let the dried fruit absorb the liquor otherwise the dish really isn’t going to work.

 

Wake up and drain the cherries, reserving the liquid for the glaze which I’ll get to momentarily.

Mix up your devil’s food cake according to the instructions, then dump (as dump is a technical term) the chocolate chips and the cherries and gently fold into the batter.

 

Pour the batter into 2 9” cake pans & cook according to the instructions on your cake mix box then allow to cool then put in the refrigerator for an hour or 2.

 

As the cakes chill; take a small sauce pan on hi heat and pour in the Zinfandel (though any lightly sweet wine will do even the crappy Rose I keep in the house to use in cooking) followed by the sugar, the Chamboard you strained from the cherries earlier, as well as the honey, jelly & spices.

Now here is where you have to be on point. You have to almost constantly whisk the mixture and frequently adjust the heat. Basically reduce it to the consistency of a light syrup without burning it.

 

Once the “syrup” (a glaze actually) is ready, take a basting brush and brush the top & sides of both the layers of your cake, be generous but don’t soak the cake. When you are done glazing the layers of the cake dump the thinly sliced strawberries in the remaining glaze and give it a good stir and allow to sit for the amount of time it takes to run outside to find your children and drag them back to clean up the mess they made.

 

Now we are in the home stretch. Place a layer of the strawberry/glaze mixture between the 2 cake layers then cover the cake in whipped cream, finally adding the remaining strawberry s on top.

Dom’s Easy & Versatile Meat & Poultry Glaze

Posted in Food on March 9, 2009 by kingbiscuitpants

 

Dom’s Easy & Versatile Meat & Poultry Glaze

 

This is something I’ve been refining for a few years. It’s a hot caramel glaze that is great both in the oven & on the grill. I find it especially tasty on turkey parts which you can often get on sale at your local supermarket but it works on any meat.

 

Ingredients:

 

12 Ounces “Dr. Pepper” or generic equivalent. Which is funny because i hate that soda to drink but it works great in this recipe , though root beer or cola would work as well.

4 ounces cheap wine

1 cup brown sugar (you could use white sugar I suppose but i can’t stand the stuff personally)

3 ounces of honey

1 tablespoon salt

onion & garlic powder

a dash of paprika

several grinds of black pepper or about 2 tablespoons of pre ground

2 ounces of olive oil

 

To make simply add all of the liquid ingredients and bring to a nice rolling boil, add the spices and reduce down until it’s nice and thick.

 

In application use a preferably silicon basting brush to put directly onto the meat while still piping hot so as it cools it will caramelize & harden somewhat. It’s a great and quick way to add flavor when you don’t have time to marinate, it also works well if you have a seasoning injector.